I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
