I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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