I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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