It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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