you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
