I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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