soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You pole danced in your parka.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
