The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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