16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
