Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
