He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
