yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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