Sponge bath it is.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
