Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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