no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
