piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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