New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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