They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
