I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
