if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
