I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
