Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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