driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
