mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
