I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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