Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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