I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
