I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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