hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
