I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
