I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
