I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
