Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
