but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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