Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
