Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
