He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
