I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
