I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
