it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
