So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
