Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
