My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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