and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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