he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
