Is it because I queefed?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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