wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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