So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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