your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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