i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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