I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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