i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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