I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
