Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
