I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
