dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
