Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
