even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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