I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
