she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
