i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
