I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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