i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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