Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
