Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
