I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
