we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
