look no pants
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
