porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
