whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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